well now I'm not really sure what to say. I'm bored as hell and my brain never keeps up with my heart. I guess I'll save that part for another time. I am not really sure whats going on in life anymore. As ussual i am reading a book that i got attached to ... its called keeping you a secret. And in the book i just feel like .. if my mom had the nerv she would have kicked me out just like hollands mom. She would have and where would i have gone .. i keep thinking that ... in the book she went to cece her girlfriends house but where would i go ? maybe to ariellas ... but maybe just maybe i would walk to lizs... hoping that someone would love me enough to accept me for who i am .. and yes i am still waiting. I wish i could go back to the days when i was still known as being straight .. who made out with the most popular guy in my school and how boy crazy i was .. I WAS ... now what am i .... Gay ? bisexual? does it even fucken matter anymore? I know i'm not straight! Its just like in the book im holland and Liz ... Liz is cece .. my first REAL girlfriend .. my first real relationship .. and she taught me everything .. she made me realize i was gay ... and just like cece and holland we used to talk on the phone all night ... and yes .. she taught me how to love... and that will always be with me .. where i like it or not .. shes my first ...shes my first "the one". And I'm not saying that to make my girlfriend maggie jealous.. NO not at all!!! I'm just simply telling a story of who i am today. Is that such a bad thing? Well i will never forget liz .. ever .. and i'm sure there will be other "the one" ' s but ... she was my first .. true love .. and that was that. So i pray to god to thank him that i met her! .. And i legit will never forget.. but enough about that because now i know who i am .. well atleast for the most part i mean I'm still a little confused... but If i'm gay .. well i know for a fact i dig chicks .. everything about them .. their eyes .. their lips and hair ... their hands .. and the way they smile .. their curves and their boobs ... okii okii im getting into it too much but i mean come on! like youve never thought of a girl like this? yeah thats what i thought! soo yeah .. and now .. now i have maggie who i adore shes amazing and i .. i love her i really do .. but it hurts me how far she is from me when all i want to do is hold her and never let go ever! ... hold hands all night and make out ... ughhhh well hopfully new years<333>.
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