the story of an asshole!

So today at lunch we put our stuff down and shit on our chair as usual so people wouldn't steal it but when we got back my chair was gone. They put my stuff on the table. So I went to the table next to me and said I'm stealing this chair and this asshole runs up to me screams NO and grabs the chair out of my hand .. so I'm like DAMN ASSHOLE! .. so after a few minutes Eeman got me a chair from the janitor. I sat down and was explaining the story to Jeannine but instead of using his name just said asshole. Then Eeman said really loud "ASSHOLE" and this guy turns around stands up and screams and walks to the table, in which he grabs my chair while I'm sitting on it. So i get up and i rip it out of his hands saying      "ARE YOU SERIOUS!!?!?" hes like "bitch stop calling me asshole!" I was like "oh hell no! imaa call you whatever I want" and hes like " Bitch stop being full of yourself,  you whore!" then decided to sit down cause i scared him, so i turned around with a fight bitch face on and said "at least I'm hot enough to be a whore!... ASSHOLE!" .... this shits going down .. last time he tries to get in my way again .. wat a dumb ass! he didnt stand a fucken chance against me!!! <3

stress

Stress would be the word that I would choose to describe my life today. This year, this month, this day, its all stress. I'm sick, have math (i need to pass), ACT's next week, college shit, and I'm falling for him again. No I can't fall, he still loves sarah. God why am i even writing about this? I know no one reads this, but still I shouldnt love him. After all hes the one who hurts hurt me, but hes also the one who fixed me, the one who when I kiss everything feels perfect, and when I'm in his arms, I feel safe. Maybe Love just is avoiding me? I mean how could I feel so much for one person, when they hardly feel the same about me? Thats just pathetic. I gave liz permission to go out with bobby whose my ex. I don't feel bad about it at all, I'm just worried that it will change things. Ever since she and him started dating (this past week) I feel like shes hardly talked to me, but I think maybe I'm just being paranoid. I just .. maybe won't txt her till she texts me just incase and well .. i guess we'll get to see how long it takes her to notice ive crawled into a corner. Ive been feeling all alone as it is :/ I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I dont want to be sad, I want to be happy and feel loved and shit. Maybe, am I trying too hard? I have no idea, all i know is that I love things I shouldn't and feel things I shouldn't :x

senior year sucks tyduygikuhiu

I just got back from london and scotland (which was amazing), but to be with my mom for that long, I'm going crazy. And apparently every one has decided to yell at me for no reason .. which is just great. I feel numb, hopeless, hurt, broken, a failure, i feel like I'm drowning. Like I want to punch something cause cutting isn't even an option anymore. Sarah and John broke up .. which is .. idk .. i want to make sure hes ok and everything and he deserves better than sarah definately. But I also know hes my type, he fixed me before Liz, he was the only person I told about cutting and showed them scars and felt comfortable with him after only a week or two of meeting him. Hes amazing and I don't really know how I feel right now .. I could go for it and just see what happens . but that could ruin our friendship ,.. or i could just do nothing. But either way Imma wait a lil bit because hes going through stuff right now. I'm failing every class as of right now. Every class .. how the fuck does one person accomplish all of that? I'm a failure, and my nose is big. Last night I woke up at 4 am to blood all over my arm, face, sheets. Turns out it was a horrible nose bleed .. scared me .. triggered me to cutting, but i refuse .. i wont do it .. i want to be sane, clean, healthy for the people around me. But now I'm not suicidal or anything, but what does it matter if im here ... would anyone but lizz really be effected? i mean john and i are best friends, but i probably love him more than he loves me .. so would anyone care ? or would people all pretend to care because you know people want to have known the person who died ... to be recognized and sympathized. Sarah is not my friend anymore .. but she did tell me one important thing .. dont let senior year get the best of you .. but thats exactly wats going on .. she told me not to, but she never told me how.
im breaking .. and no one even notices .. no one cares.