Liz .. Baca .. and then ME

its not like i want to get hurt .. because i dont! .. he said he likes me .. but now this girl says their going out ? wat the hell. Does that even make any sense???.. so what i fall for people i cant have .. its a classic! .. fabulous .. my life is complete ..and now im up at 12 38 because i was hoping he would come to my house and pick me up .. my mom said it was ok .. and instead hes on the phone with his "unofficial" girlfriend .. wat ever the fuck that means... am i really that bad of a person that no one wants to date me? because like .. ugh .. i dont even know .. all i know is that .. if a guy would just give me a chance .. i dont know... and i feel tears about to explode into my eyes and drip down my cheek .. but i wont allow myself to cry over some stupid jerk who says he likes me while hes .. thinking about LIZ .. like are you kidding me! .. and . i would kick her ass any day even though she does jujitsu .. cant spell that .. cant say it either .. does it matter .. not at this point because .. i wont have to worry about saying where baca will be .. because .. he doesnt like me as much as he likes liz .. and my heart sinks .. down to my stomach just when i hear his voice ... hear his name ... think about him ... and i know he will never chose me .. because no guy ever choses me .. even if the want to .. im just cursed

Starts with a B and ends with my heart beatiing fast

So theres this guy, Shock I know right? A guy! ... Well to be honest I have liked him since like october .. but I ignored it. Some of you might ask why ? Why follow what your heart is telling you?
But this isn't your normal crush because well hes my best friends ex and she loved him and I'm not the type of person to do that to my best friend. And thinking back .. I kind of regret wasting so much time worrying about things. Hes so amazing! He makes me smile and forget all the bad stuff in life. He compliments me and understands me even though he doesn't know me .. he completely understands me more the most people. He makes me laugh and he makes me want to live. Never making me feel bad for my past or want to change who I am. He's unique, cute, smart without trying, yet hes slow at the same time. And he doesn't freak out when it comes to my sexuality/ orientation .. confused yes , but never once did he ask me what sex I date, but only if I bring it up. Never did drugs, alchohol .. but i like that shit! . and hes shy. I love that! After my past .. I want a guy to be shy. Hes romantic in an innocently cute way and he can keep secrets. He loves to listen and cares about everyone! Raising my self-esteem like amillion points and yet he won't ask me out ... I just .. I will say yes in a split second soo he should just ask already.

About to have a mental break down hahaa

I feel like my life is ending ... wierd yes ! .. why? I'm not really sure. Maybe its the fact that I'm going to get my licence soon .. or the fact that I'll be looking at colleges soon. Maybe I'm just afraid that life .. is going to get complicated again ... when now it seems way too simple. Maybe I'm afraid that my happiness wont last .. or that I've waisted my life worrying about what will happen next in stead of enjoying what i have. Maybe its the fact that I'm sitting here .. thinking about my past .. wanting to be close with everyone in my life ... and yet people reject me. My ex's .. friends I had in the past .. all of them .. reject me as if I am some infectious disease ... am I really that bad? Can people not tolerate me? ... All i want is to know people care .. maybe I wish that I would hear sirens and wake up in a hospital just to figure out .. who really cares ..and then what goes through my mind next .. well ... Woody ... and a bunch of people ... Baca ... Baca is an amazing guy .. but if you like me just tell me! i hate when people dont tell me. Its worth a shot .. but fuck ... nooo relationship! .. i dont do relationships anymore .. last time i did ... well .. im a bad girlfriend hahaa .. all of my exs know that ..weather they bitch slap me for it or not .. well w.e .... What I'm saying is .... how could i make my time living worth while .. if i dont know how long i am actually living for? .... i dont have a deadline .. for when i need to do all this shit.. wat if i die today .. or last night .. wat if I die in a week ... will the people i want to care .. be at my funeral? ... will they give me ... just one last gift .. one last saticfaction before i leave? .... what if i get cancer ... would they become closer to me with fears that i will die .. or will they remain the same stuck up bitches that they always were. What if I'm waisting ... my time with people who really dont care .. what if they are the type of people who will through away a friendship .. for love.What if .. im nothing to them and they never even think about me .. and what if im a lost cause. Who knows maybe I am already dead.
but then again ... isn't everyone?