health project summary thingy

So I'm taking health and we have to write a summary on how we are doing on our goal that we made at the beginning of the class ... its been a week since we made this .. soo i cant email it because i m not allowed to open my email in creative writing but I can blog so i m writing it on here deal with it.


It has been about two weeks since I made this goal, but I started it 28 days ago. So it has been 28 days since I have cut. This seems like so much, but I went for 126 days once. The thing is I still feel the need to cut and I want to. It's an addiction that I have, so 28 days is not that bad. The things that have helped me to get through this past month without self-mutilating was to really look at my friends. I mostly put my friends before myself and always forget to take care of myself first. Most times when I want to cut I just have to think about how much I was hurting them by doing so. Another thing that has helped me is by giving my razor to my friend and writing how I feel when i want to cut. These things have actually been working. I hope to continue forward with as much success that I have so far. My motto for this is, If you can get passed one day, then why not two? and If two then why not three ?and then why not one more? Taking it a day at a time and before you know it .. It will be a year.

I don't even know anymore

I hate teenagers. Whats the thing about that ? isn't it wierd ... that once we are teenagers we don't see things the same way? Like all the bad stuff that we would never even think about doing all of the sudden becomes fine and ok. All the simple stuff coplicated and all the easy things .. turn hard. Do we ever stop for a second and look back and are thankful for what we have so far?
never.
and do we ever question things that changed without us noticing? no one cares. Life is a rollercoaster and you can't get off right when you want to so you might as well ride it!
so I was thinking the song "lets get fucked up and die" Is amazingly accurate with teenagers. And hell once you get older .. your a teenager .. all grown up, but still a stupid dramatic teenager except the only difference is instead of fighting about who did what on saturday night and what parties you didnt get invited to .. its now about who fucked who and why are these two getting married? ... It just gets more complicated .. it makes you think was it always this complicated and you just didnt realize it? was the whole world complicated when you were just an infant too? and you were still caught up in the simple? if so then where did that feeling go and why can't we get it back?
oh why can't we get it back.

Ranting my mind!

Since when did life become so damn complicated? it used to be so simple. Wake up, watch cartoons, play a bored game, maybe ride my bike, but how did the complicated get in there? When did it go from being able to ride my bike to wanting to never go home? I just want to go back to having a dad and a mom and people and a family. We don't even have family dinners anymore and what happend to that? What happened to the simple? did we get so caught up in the complicated that simple just disappeared? I mean seriously? was life easier when we didn't know the feeling of love? or when the thought of being gay never crossed our mind? hate was there. Love, trust, loyalty that was all there, but now you can't trust people. Trust went with simple. I guess you can't go back to the old days. The 90's where everything was better, simple, less complicated. All we can do it take those experiences of having our heart broken and those tears we will never be able to get back. The mommy issues and daddy issues only get worse and guess what! that will never be fixed because life sucks! Those exs those people you once were in love with guess what. They moved on, all of them but how did they move on when your still here heart broken and crushed? Maybe I'm getting too much into this, but don't you ever just wonder? wonder what life would be like if something in the pasted were to change? who would you be today? ever wonder?

confused

I thought i had morals, knew what not to do. What happend to that? what happend to not doing something because i knew it was wrong? Now its more lke I know this is wrong but i want to do it anyways .. now does that make any sense? i dont know anymore ... but i did stop cutting and im glad ... less shit to worry about .. less drama ... and ever since i stopped i see my life .. more of the future! ... I see myself .. happier then before .. and thinking less about death .. well i never thought about death death but you know what i mean. And now I don't know my mom wants to talk to me about the whole cutting thing and i just can't ... I don't want to .. I cant talk to my mom, but she said if i dont talk to her about it then i will be grounded for a month! .. i don't know what to do!
help!

idk

Heyy people!!! ok soo I'm actually at school right now .. in creative writing, but i really don't know what to write and i haven't written on this in a while ... soo time to filll you in shall we? Yesterday I tried out for the school musical and yess I just found out like an hour ago I GOT IN!!!! this is soo amazing! I'm soo happy!!! and on top of that I quit cutting ... sounds weird to say that but its true! ... I havent cut since i think last thursday! its a miracle! I got my period like 3 days ago and now I have the weirdest shit going on with my body like wtf?!? and my stomach hurts and im afraid to ask to go to the bathroom : / I think i should though okii