So you think your life sucks... well okay lets see about that. I decided since I already wrote on here once I might as well do it again. Lets see what you think of my morning today, but its not just today oh no it's everyday. I woke up at 6:50 because I was supposed to skate later today or atleast thats what my mom wanted me to do. Fin so I stayed in bed till 7:20 I go to the bathroom and my mom yells "SAMM ITS ALREADY 7:30!!!!! " and my first thought is SHUT THE FUCK UP MOM! but no i simply say"I'm getting ready!" and then we get in the car. First off I don't know if most people would go risk getting in a car accident or whatever! But its snowing like crazy out and these insane people actually go skating in the fucken snow storm. So okay fine leave that as it be. Next i get to the rink carrying a huge heave bag and I lase up my skates and go on the ice. Its freezing!well it is an ice rink so lets continue. I skate around a bunch of times and then start spinning. Theres like 6 poeple on the ice which for competative figure skating is exteremly empty. I keep spinning and start doing my moves in the field when my coach calls me for a lesson. So I think I forgot to mention somethings. You see when a figure skater ties their skates and goes on the ice they have things, thoughts in their head subconciece thoughts such as: are my skates tight enough and loose enough? are my blades on my boots tight and secure? are my bladessharp enough ? are any of the screws coming out? The you just skate. Now I get in my lesson and she wants me to do the moves so i go and i do the backwards perimeter with rocker chalktaw on the ends. I dont expect for you to know what the fuck i just said but she had me do one direction and then the other direction right after .. then with out a break then next move... no break the move after that... Now you get to see why i hate skating. Althought your skin is frozen the air is blowing in your face making your eyes tear and the tear makes your face colder.. you take off your sweater because screw it your hot! So your burning hot sweating, and ur skin is frozen as fuck!... But you keep skating because thats whatyour supposed to do. The your out of breathe, but you continue skating your heart tenses up .. your struggling for air. Everey muscle tightens, your weezing and need oxygen, but when you gasping for air no matter how much u take in its just not enough. (you told your mom this always happends to you but hey she said "you dont have asma sam!" ) so you continue. But not only do you have those subconciece thoughts in your head but now you have a crack in your blade ... if it cracks anymore your whole blade could snap in half. That doesnt stop you how about the fact that you have a migrane and can't see anything? would you stop then? What if your groin is pulled and later when you go to jump your anckle gives out for a little bit would you stop? I know a sane person would. What if the reason you started cutting was because of skating? what if the fact that skating makes you feel like a fail ur would you stop? And what if the skating community makes fun of you for being gay... being who you are and having to hide ever single inch of the real you.. would you stop... i know i would .. new topic ... it'll connect i promise.
My mom!
most of the poeple have met my mom, but if you havn't do yourself a favor and please don't. Shes hypocritical and selfish and i think that she is bipolar. She loves to control me and tell me who i can and cannot date, can and cannot be friends with and she makes a face about everything i do and tell her. She was physically abused when she was a kid and yes she used to abuse me but she doesn't any more. Shes the most judgemental psychologist i have ever met. She makes me want to run away. And i did once, but that was an Epic Fail!!! whatever. She makes me skate .. she wont let me quit and guess what its not my dream its hers. She will never realize how hard it is to skate .. because ughh ... yeah you the point.
soo now I am happy because my sister and I have a closer relationship then we used to have. It makes me happy because shes the only person in my family that I consider family. And without her i would have only friends.
and yeah. I don't know what else to say .. without people knowing too much about me .. more then i would be willing to tell... too many people read this ... and I couldnt make more drama for myself .... soo thats all you get to know for today ... I'm still freezing by the way. I will take a shower laters and warm up.
ps. Life lesson dont let people control your life. Dont try to become friends with exs because they either will fight to the point of making you cut again .. or not talk to you and then all of the sudden txt you to make plans. They are confusing and unfortunately i guess once theres history Its hard to go back to the way things were before because deep down no matter who your ex is .. not matter how it ended you will always still feel something for your ex maybe a sense of respect even if they dont deserve it. And you could pretend everything is okay being friends with someone you were once in love with, but unfortunately its hard to pretend everything is okay forever.
