whats been going on?

I know I haven't written in a while, but it seems nothing on this website has changed. It might have been because i was busy and stressed or because I just didn't feel like facing the reality of what is going on with me, but I didn't write on here when in reality, it was the time I should have written on here most. Things have been very weird for me. My sister and my mom aren't talking. which is.. .. and shes kind of the only family I have. I feel like no matter how much people keep saying "they'll be okay again" that this time, it really won't. I can't walk into my sisters room anymore because she took everything and if i go in there and see how much things have changed.. I can't. And when things get stressful, all I want to do is I want to want to cut, but I don't. I don't even crave it in the slightest bit. That's good right? Well .. it faded, but when you start looking at your weight and you start counting calories you know it'll end badly. It always starts with counting calories, then comes the not eating, then the skipping big meals, then drinking more water, getting bad anxiety, and then you cave and actually eat a meal, then .. you feel like dying, like throwing up. so you know what you do? you run to the bathroom when no one is home and you stick your finger down your throat. You gag a little .. throw up a little and get scared. this isn't who you wanted to become, all you wanted was to be happy. So next all you can so is sit there in that dim lit room next to the toilet, on the floor, and cry. You just cry because you have no control. You can't change anything from how your family is a war to if you'll get into your dream college. You cry because you don't have someone to just hold you and tell you it will all be okay. And crying feels good, but when the tears stop, your stuck in a numb depressed state. And things are all crazy and guys hurt you and your alone until....................

There's a guy who you were .. well you went out with a while ago, but you were messed up and different then and things you have changed. So he goes off to the marines and then you fall for him of course because hes not there and you realized how much you actually let go. how cute and funny and smart he is. So he comes along and makes you happy even if its just through text right now. And even though things are bad, when you talk to him ... it feels like everything is going to be ok.. and thats all you can ask for right?