I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.-Benjamin Button

Time heals all wounds

To me; fearless is not the absence of fear. its not being completely unafraid. to me; fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. lots of them. to me; fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. fearless is falling madly in love again; even though you’ve been hurt before. fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. fearless is getting back up & fighting for what you want over and over again; even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. its fearless to have faith that someday things will change. fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. i think its fearless to fall for your best friend, even though hes in love with someone else. & when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, i think its fearless to stop believing them. its fearless to say “you’re not sorry”, and walk away. i think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. i think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. letting go is fearless. then, moving on and being alright; thats fearless too. but no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. you have to believe in love stories & prince charmings & happily ever after. thats why i write these songs. because i think love is fearless.~Taylor swift

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

back to normal!

Today something rare happened. Something that is so kind and makes you think twice about reality .. about the community and about the people who surround us each day. It was a moment that made my day go from normal to wow people care. Strangers care! I was walking from one rink to the other and a stranger looked up at me .. smiled and said "Hi" I was so Happy it made me realize ..there really are some decent people still left in this world.

and therefore making me completely happy .. like my old self! xD
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Thursday, July 9, 2009

My Mission!

Three nose bleeds in the past 2 days. I am dehydrated .. and feel fat .. and stupid ... and this is what skating camp does to me. Ok well maybe its a little much. I just wish things in life could be what they were .. when I was young and innocent. When I was happy all the time. When I didnt think too much about things .. and In fact I didnt think about things at all. I was completely happy all the time. And now ... I get sad .. if a guy doesnt txt back .. and i ignore the fact that I had a dream about making out with a girll .. and Im becoming Someone I dont recognice .. A person ... who thinks about how many calories they eat .. and feels bad for masturbating. A person who isnt afraid to talk to strangers ..and doesnt drink water .. well ok i never drank water ... but seriously ! lol .. I need to be myself again .. but who is that person? The person I used to be ... I dont remember who that was. .. but my mission this summer ... is to find who I really am.

AMEN!
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Tuesday, July 7, 2009

GAY DOES NOT MEAN STUPID!

GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY .. do kids know how to like stfu? GAY IS NOT A SYNONYM for STUPID or RETARDED!.. ughhh ... it pisses me off but of course I have to pretend I am straight and that it doesnt bother me .. and ugh its sooo annoying ... soo I really cant wait to go home .. where my friends dont say "THATS SOO GAY!" ... because .. they know it bothers me .. because they know gay doesnt mean stupid! ... because ... they know that even if no one they are around is gay .. that doesnt mean that they arent there .. they could just be in the closet... they know ... how to respect people and thats why I love my friends .. and I honestly cant stand when people use the work gay in a negative way .. i want to fucken expload!!!! ahhh
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Sunday, July 5, 2009

life is just there

Sooo life is kinda just there .. as I fall out of being confused and sad to being surrounded my friends and laughter .. wiping away my mask! .. And I am finally who I thought I would be .. Proud and standing. Although Math ... is getting me stressed and nervous ... And I am very much worried that I will fail the regents in august but I really shouldnt think about that right now. I should worry about it being half a year and skating and just focus on my friends. And protecting and taking care of them. I wish I could make sure everyone I care about is safe. I finished the movie My Sisters Keeper and it really made me think about life and My sister. And everyone around me. I think that it is important to care about the people around you and to make sure they know you care about them. I appsolutly have a deep heart for every one close to me. Although I decided that I am not ready to date for now and maybe in the future I will be able to be, but now I should focus on myself and understanding who I am. I want to help my friends be ok.

Wanting to just be ok I really want Woody to be ok. He who shall not be named online anymore .. is sweet and doesnt deserve to be sad. And although he seems ok.. I can see he is in pain in his eyes and in his heart. I know that wanting to hug him and kiss him .. and whisper things in his ear. I want to tell him it will all be ok and i want him to be able to trust me. I want to stare up at the stars with him and know that what ever will happen next.. doesnt matter and that as long as we are together .. nothing will go wrong. But he is not ready to date and neither am I. I try to stop talking to him and see how long it will be before he trys to contact me .. but that wont happen ... because .. after all I am the one who is sadly falling for a close friend.

Do you ever imagine someone you love dying? Do you ever want to change reality?
"I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again." benjamin button
or my sisters keeper
"
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