just catch these tear drops in our hands

I don't know what to talk about. I really have no idea lol ... tomorrow im going into the city and I'm trying to get permission to write an article for the school news paper .. i know its just oh so exciting! But besides all that I cant really think of whats new... baca is like blehh . idk wat to do anymore .. i mean cause like i trust him the most out of everything .. but if he still likes liz .. well I just want him to be happy .. because if i cant atleast he should be. And on top of that .. Liz has a party this weekend .. but that should be fun .. hes not even dressing up! but w.e .. idc .. hes just .. acting wierd, but i guess I don't really know much about guys now do I? lol I'll just have to go with the flow and wait till something amazing happens. And nicole and I got into a fight .. but I just recently found out that shes having a birthday party and not inviting me .. and this was before the fight so I'm just really pissed! and yeah .. I had my first Gyno appointment thingy yesterday and I like survived! xDD and now I feel like awesomeness if that even makes sense ish ? Umm I dont really have anythign to say except .. I wish there were breaks .. breaks of not being friends .. but knowing that if u needed that person they would always be there for you, but when you need them they arent really there for you. they hate you or just dont want you in their life. And thats when its just too hard to just let go after all this time .. I don't know what to do ..maybe letting go would be best I just I don't know how.

andd this time I mean it!

Everyone seems all sad today and I'm trying to figure out why? I mean yes today is a mellow day, but must we bring out the sadness to that? Any was today was a good day for me xD ...So it starts by me walking to my first period class .. i walked down the hall and saw sean .. hes this guy who was totally obsessed with me last year and made me have feelings for him even though hes a player and ruined my best friends relationship with her boyfriend.. yeah hes one of those guys. So I was walking down the hall and there he was ... it was crowded but I saw him give me this certain look .. like he was thinking ... and wanted to tell me something but didnt .. he gave me a fake smile and i turned to get to the next hall with the stairs. Next I see perry .. whose been acting extremely weird ..but I had told him if he needed to talk I'm always here, he didnt want to talk to anyone so thats fine. He walked passed me with a sad puppy dog face in big desire for someone to just hug him and care ... again I recieved a fake smile and walked by ... next I was having a sad face on trying to figure out why ever one was sad .. I turned the corner and looked up .. and right then ... thats it .. thats when my sad face faded to a huge smile ... It was baca and he was walking down the stairs .. he walked into me and my day was 100% better .. but my that second. Then I had math la la la .. then after math I had sports medicine ..and it was alright .. Eeman was there and sarah wasn't and i was telling eeman that i feel backwards on the ice this morning and then i started to tell her about baca and bam! sarah came in lol ... eeman taped up one ankle and sarah did my other .. it was great and sarahs my math tutor now!!!! i am soo happy .and I aced my AP test ... XD and the I was with baca after school .. and we went to his car ... and hes soo sweet and adorable and he leaned against his car just like that first time we kissed ..and without being as shy as last time ... we kissed .. it was perfect! he was such a better kisser today then ever before ..and i actually felt something today ... and before we kissed he was giving me a look and i said

"stop giving me that look" .. smiling of course and he said

"what look?" and I then kissed him ... once we stopped i said

"the look like your falling for me" and he just smiled and i walked away <3>

LOVEEE LIFEE

ps. apparently this guy anthony likes me ?! lol .. hes cute though so I really don't mind too much :]]]]] yay LIFE <3

and I don't know what I'm gonna do on sat .. after the PSAT's that is ... either go to the mall with liz .. or go to the homecomming game : / hmm idk >.<

so yeah

is it me or do people like just suck? My mom is soo self-centered and controling and honestly i can't deal with it anymore, but the thing is I can't fight back and I don't know what to do anymore. Its like really frustrating because I hate my family .. and all I need is someone to hold me ... why is that so hard? I have like the worst period in the whole entire world right now .. ouch my like everything hurts! ughh .. it hurts to laugh breath .. anything and this is not normal for a period theres obviously something wrong with me .. and my step dad is all blehh ..and i hate my family .. they make me want to cut even more then normal .. and trust me i struggle everyday as it is .. ugh .. i just dont no how much longer i can struggle for.

happy?

Things are comming together ... their good? its wierd lol .. w.e i have really bad cramps .. but ill survive lol .. and Umm people r comming over so imma go but i just want to say

I AM HAPPY ! XDDD