I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.-Benjamin Button

Time heals all wounds

To me; fearless is not the absence of fear. its not being completely unafraid. to me; fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. lots of them. to me; fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. fearless is falling madly in love again; even though you’ve been hurt before. fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. fearless is getting back up & fighting for what you want over and over again; even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. its fearless to have faith that someday things will change. fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. i think its fearless to fall for your best friend, even though hes in love with someone else. & when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, i think its fearless to stop believing them. its fearless to say “you’re not sorry”, and walk away. i think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. i think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. letting go is fearless. then, moving on and being alright; thats fearless too. but no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. you have to believe in love stories & prince charmings & happily ever after. thats why i write these songs. because i think love is fearless.~Taylor swift

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Invisible me and the Plan B girl

You know sometimes I wonder if I am even real. Maybe I'm just a small part of someones dreams. Or maybe I'm completely invisible like the wind, love, and all other emotions. I keep starting to cry, but then I fight the tears and stop. I stop because I am supposed to be strong. Samantha Halley weak? NEVER. Yes, this is the expectation i throw upon myself. If I am not strong enough, how can I help others? How can I move forward? How will I eat dinner tonight? How will I smile for my friends tomorrow? How will I lie to everyone by speaking the sweet bitter words of "I'm okay". I wish I was like some of my closest friends. A close family, trusting boyfriend, big group of friends who they know they can count on.

I feel invisible. Completely and utterly invisible. Not sure why, I mean I know my friends see me and hear me, but there is a slight part of me that feels like I'm not really seen, like I don't really matter. And that my presence doesn't make a difference.

I'm just the plan B girl, you know? The girl the guys puts off to the side, but still flirts with and makes her feel wanted. Even though everyone including the plan B girl knows that he wont ever really choose her. she is just there to help him until he starts dating that one girl he has always had his eyes on.
Come on you guys must know what I'm talking about, and don't say you are lost because face it or not we have all been there before. Whether we were the ones guilty of liking both people or being one of the two people. Yes, the plan B girl.

And how would a girl so amazing like me know about this oh so well? Because I'm always the plan B girl. Yep, no guy chooses a fragile girl over a hot perfect girl. They just flirt with them, use them, and then break their heart because after all... the plan B girl ALWAYS seems to fall for that one guy.

So yes I'm stuck as the plan B girl again, lost between hurt and hurt. Holding back tears, and wondering if my life makes a difference on the world. truth is .. as sad as it is to admit it, It probably didn't change a thing.
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