I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.-Benjamin Button

Time heals all wounds

To me; fearless is not the absence of fear. its not being completely unafraid. to me; fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. lots of them. to me; fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. fearless is falling madly in love again; even though you’ve been hurt before. fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. fearless is getting back up & fighting for what you want over and over again; even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. its fearless to have faith that someday things will change. fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. i think its fearless to fall for your best friend, even though hes in love with someone else. & when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, i think its fearless to stop believing them. its fearless to say “you’re not sorry”, and walk away. i think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. i think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. letting go is fearless. then, moving on and being alright; thats fearless too. but no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. you have to believe in love stories & prince charmings & happily ever after. thats why i write these songs. because i think love is fearless.~Taylor swift

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

About to have a mental break down hahaa

I feel like my life is ending ... wierd yes ! .. why? I'm not really sure. Maybe its the fact that I'm going to get my licence soon .. or the fact that I'll be looking at colleges soon. Maybe I'm just afraid that life .. is going to get complicated again ... when now it seems way too simple. Maybe I'm afraid that my happiness wont last .. or that I've waisted my life worrying about what will happen next in stead of enjoying what i have. Maybe its the fact that I'm sitting here .. thinking about my past .. wanting to be close with everyone in my life ... and yet people reject me. My ex's .. friends I had in the past .. all of them .. reject me as if I am some infectious disease ... am I really that bad? Can people not tolerate me? ... All i want is to know people care .. maybe I wish that I would hear sirens and wake up in a hospital just to figure out .. who really cares ..and then what goes through my mind next .. well ... Woody ... and a bunch of people ... Baca ... Baca is an amazing guy .. but if you like me just tell me! i hate when people dont tell me. Its worth a shot .. but fuck ... nooo relationship! .. i dont do relationships anymore .. last time i did ... well .. im a bad girlfriend hahaa .. all of my exs know that ..weather they bitch slap me for it or not .. well w.e .... What I'm saying is .... how could i make my time living worth while .. if i dont know how long i am actually living for? .... i dont have a deadline .. for when i need to do all this shit.. wat if i die today .. or last night .. wat if I die in a week ... will the people i want to care .. be at my funeral? ... will they give me ... just one last gift .. one last saticfaction before i leave? .... what if i get cancer ... would they become closer to me with fears that i will die .. or will they remain the same stuck up bitches that they always were. What if I'm waisting ... my time with people who really dont care .. what if they are the type of people who will through away a friendship .. for love.What if .. im nothing to them and they never even think about me .. and what if im a lost cause. Who knows maybe I am already dead.
but then again ... isn't everyone?
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