I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.-Benjamin Button

Time heals all wounds

To me; fearless is not the absence of fear. its not being completely unafraid. to me; fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. lots of them. to me; fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. fearless is falling madly in love again; even though you’ve been hurt before. fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. fearless is getting back up & fighting for what you want over and over again; even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. its fearless to have faith that someday things will change. fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. i think its fearless to fall for your best friend, even though hes in love with someone else. & when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, i think its fearless to stop believing them. its fearless to say “you’re not sorry”, and walk away. i think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. i think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. letting go is fearless. then, moving on and being alright; thats fearless too. but no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. you have to believe in love stories & prince charmings & happily ever after. thats why i write these songs. because i think love is fearless.~Taylor swift

Sunday, December 7, 2008

cramps cramps cramps


I went to ariellas to have a sleep over .. and i just got home about 2 hours ago .. and guess wat ! !!! no ill let u think about wat happends in my life next .. go ahead think before you keep reading.....................okii i take it that u thought for a few seconds .. and i shall continue .. i got home to see everything from my closet thrown on the floor .. and i was like are you fucken kidding me this cant be happening.. and i started crying ... a lot !!!! well my mom was mad at ron too and she helped me clean it all up ... but honestly I'm pissed!!!! like cant he leave me a lone and give me some privacy .. not only cause i dont like him knowing my business, but also because I AM A TEENAGER! and a girl! .. ughhhhh I hate my step-dad!!!!!! so after that i felt like cutting .. but i ... idk n more .. because i can stop cutting, but i like it .. i love the feeling ... maybe its just the feeling of being in control .. but i dont care .. i love that feeling. And then oh dont worry it gets better .. my life always gets better ... so i thought i was lucky this month that since my period came 8 days late .. that after 4 days it was over .. but ... wait wait NO! of course not .. soooo i took 2 of my medicine for my excrutiating (cant spell that word) cramps! yes thats right i took 2 .. im only suposed to take one but i was gonna take 3 soo lucky i only took 2. and then i took a nice looonnnnngggggg hot shower! hot to the point of it hurts .. but not hot that it will do any harm. so as of now my hair is wet ... its 5:41 and im not talking to my step-dad! ... he can go kiss his fucken ass!


I hate soooo many things! .. i wish it would be more clear whether im a lesbian of bisexual .. and the fact that my mom doesnt support me once bit and goes behind my back to talk to my sister .. like eww that it soo wrong! And on top of all that my sister wont even admit to me that shes gay! its insane and stupid and it sucks! .. so its just me the only gay person in the whole family ...and everytime i want to talk to my mom about me being gay .. she says "not right now" .. then i have a ? for you mom ... WHEN? ... when the fuck will u suport me and listen to me .. and love me unconditionally no matter wat ?!?! its not fair to me and not fair to my sister either!


I wish i had a simple life like one of those people that get straight A's in school and have a girlfriend and play a sport and are straight and have a mom and a DAD! ... where everyone communicates and the family supports one another.. why cant i have that ?

AND YES I WANT HIGHER SELF-ESTEEM!!!!!


but i guess you cant get everything you want .... but u have to settle for wat u have ..


ps. im not eating dinner tonight .. i dont feel like food .. idk .. not hungry .. sooo fuck it ! maybe ill lose some more wieght!
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