I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.-Benjamin Button

Time heals all wounds

To me; fearless is not the absence of fear. its not being completely unafraid. to me; fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. lots of them. to me; fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. fearless is falling madly in love again; even though you’ve been hurt before. fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. fearless is getting back up & fighting for what you want over and over again; even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. its fearless to have faith that someday things will change. fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. i think its fearless to fall for your best friend, even though hes in love with someone else. & when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, i think its fearless to stop believing them. its fearless to say “you’re not sorry”, and walk away. i think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. i think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. letting go is fearless. then, moving on and being alright; thats fearless too. but no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. you have to believe in love stories & prince charmings & happily ever after. thats why i write these songs. because i think love is fearless.~Taylor swift

Thursday, December 25, 2008

gay.love.trust.family.and sadness

soo basically im losing my faith with humanity and im sorta kinda not really quite sure why. I mean i get the fact that its almost the 7th or 8th night of channuka and yeah obviously that bugs me like shit and plus that makes me more emotional then ussual obviously. But other things get me down, like i know i have said this tons of times but i dont want to be gay .. like no one wakes up one day and says "heyy i want to be gay!" lmao that would be pretty fucked up. But if your gay you cant make yourself be straight that would be worse then just being gay. And out of all the things in my life so far being gay is the worst thing i have had to come to terms with .. wait thats a lie ... my dad and that whole story, but after that comes me being gay. There is not a day going by where i dont think once about me being gay. And it sucks. But being gay has also made me feel part of an exclusive club or family. A big group soo hated by society, yet they come together are the least judgemental people in the whole world and even though you dont want to be gay, being part of such a large group of people not hating eachother and really .. everyone who is gay knows what it feels like ... to have to come out, and live with yourself everyday, and how it feels to tell family and how it feels. When you love someone and they are the same sex and you cant go and tell people because people judge and the world sucks. And yes this gets me sad but being part of this society makes me happy to know that there are these people in the world who i can trust to always be in my life. and that by itself makes it easier for me to accept who i am!
And besides being gay .. do you ever start to think and then get sad and cant stop? well thats me today, but i need to talk to someone anyone but no one will listen and i know that.
sooo yeah but butbut on a happy note i went into the city today and i saw hairspray andandand i ate food!!! and 3 desserts!! yummyness was amazing!
well thats all i guess .. good night?
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