I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.-Benjamin Button

Time heals all wounds

To me; fearless is not the absence of fear. its not being completely unafraid. to me; fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. lots of them. to me; fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. fearless is falling madly in love again; even though you’ve been hurt before. fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. fearless is getting back up & fighting for what you want over and over again; even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. its fearless to have faith that someday things will change. fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. i think its fearless to fall for your best friend, even though hes in love with someone else. & when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, i think its fearless to stop believing them. its fearless to say “you’re not sorry”, and walk away. i think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. i think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. letting go is fearless. then, moving on and being alright; thats fearless too. but no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. you have to believe in love stories & prince charmings & happily ever after. thats why i write these songs. because i think love is fearless.~Taylor swift

Friday, November 21, 2008

tonight ? maybe

heyy well my friend whom i met through my x .. well idk but ne ways she just told me about this site to why not try it out i mean it will help and its easier then my diary which i havent written in .. in like forever lol... but lets move on shall we? Well tonight was amazing!!! I was supposed to see twilight with my x gf liz but she is trying to avoid me so i went with my friends and her friend rachel and emily. They are so nice and i'm glad cause megan was there and I flirted with her the whole time. I think i like her, but I really don't know anymore and I guess I'm not ready to get my heart broken again. And josh is helping me to learn guitar for the huge concert at my school that I'm going to be in.

I just finished this book called "thirteen reasons why" Its basically about this girl who commits suicide but she wants people 13 people to know what really happend so she makes 13 tapes and tells her story and each story is a person and a reason she killed herslef. honestly it made me think a lot ... not just about the silly things she killed herself over but how much of that shit aso happend in my life. Unfortunately instead of getting through it like a normal person I need to cut. But could i have the guts to one day have the courage to drag the knife over my wrist and press down? each time i do it i wish .. i wish for that courage, but no one knows that.. no one knows anything about me. It's like I'm afraid to let people know how i actually feel. Maybe thats true maybe I'm afraid if people find out the will hate me . or use it to hurt me in some way. But who can tell what people will do any more things keep changing too fast .I could be dead in the blink of an eye and you would never even blink none the less shead a tear. maybe thats cause you don't know me well enough.

Maybe if people just stopped for two seconds and listend to me or the people around them they would realize how much each person really feels and people would know there are humans out there who actually care and give a shit, but until we find out who those people are I guess all i can to is take one day at a time and just keep praying for the courage .... to press down : /
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