I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.-Benjamin Button

Time heals all wounds

To me; fearless is not the absence of fear. its not being completely unafraid. to me; fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. lots of them. to me; fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. fearless is falling madly in love again; even though you’ve been hurt before. fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. fearless is getting back up & fighting for what you want over and over again; even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. its fearless to have faith that someday things will change. fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. i think its fearless to fall for your best friend, even though hes in love with someone else. & when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, i think its fearless to stop believing them. its fearless to say “you’re not sorry”, and walk away. i think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. i think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. letting go is fearless. then, moving on and being alright; thats fearless too. but no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. you have to believe in love stories & prince charmings & happily ever after. thats why i write these songs. because i think love is fearless.~Taylor swift

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Thinking of My Bella

Well I'm not really sure what to say. I feel like my life is falling apart. Things are changing faster then they should be and i can't ake it anymore. One of my friends had/has cancer and no matter how many times I tell myself I'm over her, I am still totally in love with Liz. And my sister in law is staying in india for 3 more weeks so shes not coming for thanksgiving :'( and shes the only one in the family that actually gets me. I am going to die!!!
And on another note I can anly talk to Liz, I mean shes the only one I trust to tell everything to. Since I havent talked to her fully in a really long time, I just keep holding everything in : / I guess thats not good. And as much as i want to tell ariella everything, I cant. I just came back from a sleep over with brooke and ariella. Well brooke didnt sleep over but w/e she and ariella dont want me to be with liz but i want to no i need to be with liz Its a stuggle to live w/o her. It sounds dramatic but its true. The honest reason why liz and i didnt work out is because of many reasons
1) my mom was giving me a hard time
2) I was confused
3) we didnt communicate because of my understanding that SHE didnt want t kiss in public Which apparently she wanted to be kissed in public.
so if i were going to do it again with her ( i hope sometime in the future wether it be soon or not) there would be better communication and I dont think i would tell my mom.
Shit I have been talking about LIz thiswhole time and thats getting obsessive lol. So any ways I got a hair cut the other day and i think its good sort of like a new start. Also I dont know if im bi or just a lesbian but all i know is i dig chicks .. and guys dont phase me and girls well they amaze me. I wrote a poem to liz on allpoetry but she will probably never read it and if she did I dont know.
maybe in the future things will change but for now i will never know. I just want to be able to walk to her house and talk to her and give her a big hug. of course that will neer happen not now any ways She needs time I just wish i knew how she was feeling besides "ok"
lets just hope good things come in the future i guess thats all any of us can hope for... hope for the better hope for change
and until next time .. well no one knows : /
Wen its ll said and done somethings we just can't take back. And yes its jurts, but I guess thats life. I started cutting again and this time its an addiction again ... its wierd how Liz is the only one who was ever able to stop me from hurting myself. I don't even know how she did it. Its an addiction and I cant stop. I love my addiction is that so bad? I love each and every scar. My very own tattoo and yeah that may sound wierd but you cant judge me until .. well untill these mistakes happen to you. I guess I'm writting a lot today but its everything thats on my mind. Because I dont know how long to wait or if i should trust myself any more .. i always seem to get hurt in the end and i wish that just one time i wouldnt be the one hurt.
Posted by at
Labels: ,

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)