I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.-Benjamin Button

Time heals all wounds

To me; fearless is not the absence of fear. its not being completely unafraid. to me; fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. lots of them. to me; fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. fearless is falling madly in love again; even though you’ve been hurt before. fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. fearless is getting back up & fighting for what you want over and over again; even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. its fearless to have faith that someday things will change. fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. i think its fearless to fall for your best friend, even though hes in love with someone else. & when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, i think its fearless to stop believing them. its fearless to say “you’re not sorry”, and walk away. i think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. i think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. letting go is fearless. then, moving on and being alright; thats fearless too. but no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. you have to believe in love stories & prince charmings & happily ever after. thats why i write these songs. because i think love is fearless.~Taylor swift

Sunday, November 23, 2008

thoughts of an emo teenager

I write this one with tears in my eyes. Wishing i could just run away ugh that would be amazing right now to just leave and dissappear. I'm sure no one would miss me any ways. They all act like they care but its a lie and i can tell. So what if I'm a lesbian ? who cares what i feel it doesnt effect them. And honestly i wanted a psychologist soo badly and now, now i am dreading seeing him this coming wednsday do i tell him i wish to die or even that i still cut. Do i dare to bring up my x gf again cause i havent said her name enough times quite yet. And then i think wat if i can survive and try really hard not to kill myself.. what if all of this is just a test in order to see if i really can go out into the world and save a life... well in that case i want to do it because Its really damn hard to live w.o a dad seriously I hate my mom but atleast i have her in my life to hate for all i know my dad could be up in heaven says omg sams gay she should die. But i rather he be here in person saying that to me. and then my dream of telling my parents that im gay and i wish all they would say is "well you cant get pregnant thats a good thing" but no they have to torture me to the point where its either me or my realationship with my gf and when i chose me god for bid i blink for 2 seconds and my gf has moved on. a gun ... thats all i need cause seriously ... tonight no one can stop me from cutting .. no one and im glad because i need to .. its an addiction like love once ur in it its pretty damn hard to get out of it. I'm actually really not hungry ... not rite now and maybe never again... all i can do is keep tying my thoughts and staring at the screen with tears quietly falling down my cheak... if only my best friend could help me well then i would have told her ... but she cant help me .. i guess know one can help me .. n my mom doesnt even try .. maybe i should have stayed in the boarding school ... tragidy sam left home to never return again. wat a silly girl with silly thoughts,,, and then again she never did return fully did she?
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