I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.-Benjamin Button

Time heals all wounds

To me; fearless is not the absence of fear. its not being completely unafraid. to me; fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. lots of them. to me; fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. fearless is falling madly in love again; even though you’ve been hurt before. fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. fearless is getting back up & fighting for what you want over and over again; even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. its fearless to have faith that someday things will change. fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. i think its fearless to fall for your best friend, even though hes in love with someone else. & when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, i think its fearless to stop believing them. its fearless to say “you’re not sorry”, and walk away. i think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. i think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. letting go is fearless. then, moving on and being alright; thats fearless too. but no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. you have to believe in love stories & prince charmings & happily ever after. thats why i write these songs. because i think love is fearless.~Taylor swift

Monday, November 16, 2009

this is wat just happened ..just like many times before


if there were a place I could be it would be anywhere but here. It would be a place where I don't have to deal with failing grades, drama, alcoholics. It would be a place with no family, no abuse, no hate. A place where I could be in love with people who would actually love me back. If only I could escape this hell I call home. Tears run down my cheeks as I whisper "I will not cut, I will not cut, I will not cut" grasping on to anything I can; a chair, desk, sweater, blanket. I start to shake from the pain running through my veins ...is this what life has come down to? After the rain turns to drizzle my tight squeeze gives as I collapse on the floor in my quiet bedroom. Lifting up my lifeless arms with faded scars and handprints from my uneasy past, I look and think how easy it would be. How easy to just go into the office take the pocket knife and cut. Then my frown digs deeper as I think of the boy who has my heart. The one that gives me butterflies and the one I can't ever get off my mind. The tears of pain start to build up in my eyes like tsunamis comming straight toward me. Not after long I am left drowning in salty rain drops thinking of what me cutting would do to him. It would be like I stabbed him in the heart. The sleeve worn throughout this nasty usual day is the only thing left and I pick up my arm, pull down my sleeves and whipe sorrow right off my red cheeks. Pretending nothing happend, I slowly get up off the ground and get into my computer chair. I open up my buddy list like many times before. Searching for his screenname, wanting to tell him that he once again has saved my life, that I really love with him, and that hes all I ever think about. Disappointment fills my heart realizing he wouldn't be online, but rather at work. So now what? I have nothing else to do but sit and wait. Cant leave my room, cant call anyone, cant go eat, whats left to do but sit and wait. Wait for something to happen like always. Wait for hope. And just keep waiting until the past stays the past without haunting my reality everyday.
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