I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.-Benjamin Button

Time heals all wounds

To me; fearless is not the absence of fear. its not being completely unafraid. to me; fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. lots of them. to me; fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. fearless is falling madly in love again; even though you’ve been hurt before. fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. fearless is getting back up & fighting for what you want over and over again; even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. its fearless to have faith that someday things will change. fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. i think its fearless to fall for your best friend, even though hes in love with someone else. & when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, i think its fearless to stop believing them. its fearless to say “you’re not sorry”, and walk away. i think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. i think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. letting go is fearless. then, moving on and being alright; thats fearless too. but no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. you have to believe in love stories & prince charmings & happily ever after. thats why i write these songs. because i think love is fearless.~Taylor swift

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Fuck My life

I thought today would be a good day ... but now I'm shaking and not sure where to go from here. I keep fighting off tears. I am in the library doing this then in the lunch room. I cant think anymore. I cant move. I have abandonment issues and I honestly cant handle anything anymore. Most of my friends are senoirs. They are all going to graduate this year and leave me here alone. And my best friend told me last period that shes MOVING! ... What am I going to do next year? I'm going to be all alone ... megans graduating half way through the year .. eemans moving .. who else do I have? I feel like just going in a corner and crying .. because that all I know to do... Cant .. cut .. cant .. do anything .. cant breathe... cant scream.... And even if i did scream .. its not like anyone would hear me. I feel like I'm in a fucken croud yet no one knows me .. no one cares and I'm all alone. I thought that if i came to the library I wouldnt cry .... I would just relax ... not have to think .. not be face to face with a bitch whose ruining my life or the guy who hurts me...I thought maybe I would be away from it all. But the reality is .. you cant run away from your problems .. no matter where you go they will follow you. They will haunt your wake movements. And you cant ignore them either because .. they will just be there ... making you feel terrible and uncomfortable for the whole time you do. Now I only feeel lost .. with no one ..and i feel like a train is comming towards me .. my fait is inevitable. I cant help but be numb.
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