I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.-Benjamin Button

Time heals all wounds

To me; fearless is not the absence of fear. its not being completely unafraid. to me; fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. lots of them. to me; fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. fearless is falling madly in love again; even though you’ve been hurt before. fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. fearless is getting back up & fighting for what you want over and over again; even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. its fearless to have faith that someday things will change. fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. i think its fearless to fall for your best friend, even though hes in love with someone else. & when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, i think its fearless to stop believing them. its fearless to say “you’re not sorry”, and walk away. i think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. i think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. letting go is fearless. then, moving on and being alright; thats fearless too. but no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. you have to believe in love stories & prince charmings & happily ever after. thats why i write these songs. because i think love is fearless.~Taylor swift

Monday, June 15, 2009

Lets run away to valhala and drop tears from our hearts

because I dont think i can go to valhala on fathers day .. just like last year .. I cant. I never get to see him! but I shall write a letter to him on here because .. as long as the words I want him to see are written I'm sure they will find their way to him.

Dear Daddy,
This past few months since I gave you the last letter has really changed who I am. First off I am working hard in school again and really trying to get good grades.. even though I'm not .. I am trying. Next I Shall talk about my orientation .. because to me it is important that you know about it. As of this moment I like guy and do not want to date girls ever again. I will go after guys for now on, but if a girl comes to be .. I wont turn her down ... I would give her a chance . unless i'm taken .. duhh. Theres something about guys that I forgot I liked in them, but I dont know what it is... just the fact that what scott did to me .. ruined me .... and I was confused and then Liz ..and maggie .. but now I am back. Liz is out of my life .. and so I shall figure out who I really am. Next I am not sure if I told you about this but I have a huge crush on a boy! .. You would totally aprove daddy!!! hes jewish and Smart and Cute and funny and is easy to talk to .. well if i could breathe when I see him lol .. But he doesnt like when I write his name on here so I shall respect his wishs... I really miss you daddy... there is soo much I need to tell you ..but I feel as though non of it has a purpose .. in our relationship ... I mean .. Only the important stuff.. being I dont have enough time to tell it all. I wish I could hug you .. or have atleast said good bye. You make my life a mystery and sometimes I think what life would be like if you hadn't died. Well I would have never cut and I would have a normal mom ... I wouldnt have taken care of myself for the passed 12 years. And Alexandra is doing soo much better .. I feel like being away from mom and ron has really helped her and I get close! which is good! I wish I could write it all out. Every reason for every tear .. that falls .. or the reasons I miss you.. or the way I am who I am. I wish i could write down I much i miss you but even that much is impossible. I miss you more then words could describe. I feel like I need to run to you and give you a huge hug! I think I am mostly afraid that I will forget your voice or the way you look... I am afraid that i will become mom .. after you died. or just lose it all. I am holding on because honestly ... when I see you I want you to see how much I did and I want to know how proud of me you are. I miss seeing you ... the unhealthy food .. the car rides .. and the lessons which were few .. that i learned from you .. this is more like a memory telling then a letter of how I am .. because I miss you soo greatly .. but I dont talk about it to my friends .. the only person who knew was Liz and now I lost her ... so now I might tell the guy I like .. how much I miss you .. but I am .. I don't know. Its different with him .. you are a dad .. you are my guidence ... i needed that and instead when you died I lost all of my guidence.. forced to fend for myself. I just need a little help from you daddy .. I need you to give me enough stregth to get through these finals with all passing grades ! .. never have I ever passed all of my finals there fore I really need your help any way possible. I would like to leave this ending on a good note.. but I have to think about that for a second hahaa ...Daddy .. I do miss you and everyday I wear a locket with a picture of u .. closest to my heart and a sand timer to remind me that time cant stand stil and so I need to make myself happy. I want you to know you are always in my heart and in my mind. I miss you soo much and I hope that one day I could run and give you a hug. Lifes not the same without you .. but I think I have found happiness in my friends who surround me and my crush on a guy who supports me aswell .... Daddy I love you .. and I really hope to visit valhala soon <3

always and forever your daughter
the younger one >.<
Samantha <3
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