I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.-Benjamin Button

Time heals all wounds

To me; fearless is not the absence of fear. its not being completely unafraid. to me; fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. lots of them. to me; fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. fearless is falling madly in love again; even though you’ve been hurt before. fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. fearless is getting back up & fighting for what you want over and over again; even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. its fearless to have faith that someday things will change. fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. i think its fearless to fall for your best friend, even though hes in love with someone else. & when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, i think its fearless to stop believing them. its fearless to say “you’re not sorry”, and walk away. i think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. i think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. letting go is fearless. then, moving on and being alright; thats fearless too. but no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. you have to believe in love stories & prince charmings & happily ever after. thats why i write these songs. because i think love is fearless.~Taylor swift

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

4-20 ahaha




So today is 4-20 .. people are cool lol                                                          

Yesterday I went to jiujitsu and I have a cough and I ended up having a really bad athsma attack and I kept going, but now I kinda am having a hard time breathing >.< Anyways I'm still going to jiujitsu again to. Today I drove to school and I left my coffee in the car and I was flipping out. My mom was like are you serious?! I said I NEED MY COFFEE .. so maybe I'm just crazy .. but we all knew that. So last night I was IMing john and Liz at the same time and Liz told me to talk to john and let him know how she felt. And then She like IMed him and then they got into a huge fight and I feel like its my fault now And I dont : / I feel bad. But its kinda not my fault Idk ... I dont feel well I'll write more later tonight I promise

okii its later lol .. i didnt want to write a new blog .. so I'm adding on . So by the time I got to 9th period I couldnt breathe at all .. so i went to the nurse and she was sooo stupid! shes like u have to drink this water and u cant leave until you do so! .. mean bitch! needless to say I'm not going to jiujitsu tonight .. i dont want to die hahaa. So how could you like someone who you never really talk to in person ? I dont get it. I mean I keep thinking about that time john and I were outside after school .. we were on the side of the school leaning against this medal bar. I will never forget that because the sun was hitting down right on me and he was leaning on the railing facing me and i was leaning into him. His hands were on my waiste. I will never forget this.. people were making fun of us cause he was considered my brother at the time.. but i liked him and he likeD me. Anyways he was holding me.. and i miss that moment. I heard his heart ... and i felt so safe in his arms and now ? .. now hes different, but hes still the same .. we are different .. our relationship is different is what I mean. But when ever I feel sad or alone or depressed .. I think about that day ... it was soft and sweet and honestly if i had to define love ... this moment of being held safe in his arms .. that to me .. thats love. But he doesn't like me anymore .. and I'm still here .. just chilling .. trying really hard to move on and for the most part I guess one could say I have .. but thinking about this moment .. knowing that it did happen .. wishing it would happen again ... some small part of me feels like .. his love .. him liking me and me liking him .. that will never go away. And I  don't know about him .. but I have never felt that strong with him .. like chemistry and all .. I guess I cant explain it .. sometimes I just wonder if he ever thinks about this ... I think I might ask him tonight .. because i cant stop thinking about if he does or not.
ps. Imissus... but I cant tell anyone : /
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