I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.-Benjamin Button

Time heals all wounds

To me; fearless is not the absence of fear. its not being completely unafraid. to me; fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. lots of them. to me; fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. fearless is falling madly in love again; even though you’ve been hurt before. fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. fearless is getting back up & fighting for what you want over and over again; even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. its fearless to have faith that someday things will change. fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. i think its fearless to fall for your best friend, even though hes in love with someone else. & when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, i think its fearless to stop believing them. its fearless to say “you’re not sorry”, and walk away. i think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. i think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. letting go is fearless. then, moving on and being alright; thats fearless too. but no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. you have to believe in love stories & prince charmings & happily ever after. thats why i write these songs. because i think love is fearless.~Taylor swift

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

What i think will happen.

I had the wierdest dream It was as if it was reality. I woke up a million times last night upset almost crying thinking that the dream was true. That what happened then in that dream would happen to me in reality. But it was just a dream. A dream where I was talking .. i was actually screaming. Yes a dream where i was screaming on the day of silence. a day where people in my school get seperated from the ones who need to grow up to the ones that are respectful and caring to the ones who let themselves have more religious values then possibly maybe even their own. But this blog isn't going to critisize the way people live because i'm not like that. If they want to live like that with those values .. i wont stop them its how they feel. what I expect will happen today is i will me respected greatly by few and teased a lot by people who don't know who they are. I am atleast glad to know who i am gay straight bi transgender it doesnt matter now does it? Im going to get really nasty comments and I wont be able to defend myself. Like last year... When I was confused and still in the closet... it was so much easier for me to be silent... i guess you dont realize something is painful if you feel it everyday of your life.


Last night I was online talking to this girl named .... Cassie not the Cassie your thinking of trust me lol .. this Cassie lives in northport? or smith town? well anyways ... we havent known each other for long but we have been talking recently and she just told me last night that shes bipolar and in the hospital for depression. Why is everyone in my life going bad just when i start to fix myself? Welll on a different note:

This friday is yes my dads birthday but its more then that .. its the 100th day of me being clean.. that right .. i haven't cut in almost 100 days and I dont plan to do it ever again! .. Its nice though because i'm going to celebrate the whole not cutting thing with my friends on friday and Emily one of my long old best friends is coming. She is an amazing person and I'm glad she and I are still friends. I really .. cant think of wat else to say but i might right tomorrow because

im kool like that : )
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