I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.-Benjamin Button

Time heals all wounds

To me; fearless is not the absence of fear. its not being completely unafraid. to me; fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. lots of them. to me; fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. fearless is falling madly in love again; even though you’ve been hurt before. fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. fearless is getting back up & fighting for what you want over and over again; even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. its fearless to have faith that someday things will change. fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. i think its fearless to fall for your best friend, even though hes in love with someone else. & when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, i think its fearless to stop believing them. its fearless to say “you’re not sorry”, and walk away. i think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. i think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. letting go is fearless. then, moving on and being alright; thats fearless too. but no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. you have to believe in love stories & prince charmings & happily ever after. thats why i write these songs. because i think love is fearless.~Taylor swift

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

my long metal breakdown rant!

this is it I need to vent .... on i cant listen to music! its rediculious! and I am soo done filtering evertyhing .. because i know people read ..this. I was doing soo weelll lbut then my crush for perry became worse and my family is fighting .... that means my mom complaining to me about my step dad and my sister and my sister complaining about them to me and my step dad treating me like shit .. because ... who cares about samantha?!?! and then I im liz because I miss having her as a friend and she starts yelling at me telling me my friend maggie is going to die and its all my fault. I shouldnt have kissed her .. woah! thats was liz said.... how does liz know is i should have kissed her or nOt! I just want perry to go out with me why is that soo hard! now im sooooo fucken pissed! I am holding back tears. I want to ughhh i cant! I HATE MYSELF! ... i need a psychologyst. I need a good friend ... i need someone who i can tell everything to! no filtering ... i dont have anyone like that!!! i need someone who will give me a hug and talk abotu masterbating and emotions and music and situations and i wont have to worry about no having a bf or being judged. I want someone who I can I was sexually harrassed and now i like girls. But all i really want is to know that not all guys will be terrible to me.! I dont want to be harassed. I want to be treated like a girl. I want to be asked out on a date and I wnt to be respected for who i am. I want guys .. people to respect my body. I dont want people to come up behind me and pinch my stomach. I dont want to think about dragging a razor accross my wrist because being in pain and hurting myself makes eveyrthing better. I don't want to "need" sex ... or do drugs. I want to have someone who i can vent to .. and know they wont over think things. I want to do amazing in school and not cheat on tests. I want to not hurt people. I want to be friends with all of my exs and know that what we had didn't mess up who i am today. I want to be able to masterbate about thinking about a guy and i want to be able to wear shorts w.e being self conscience! I want to do all of these things .. have all this but it wont happen. I want my mom to be the mom she was when my dad was alive because once he died ....my mom died and my sister . I have no one I all alone in my family. and i cant even .... idk i give up this is a really long rant! but I mean every word. Maybe the only reason I like perry is because hes the only sweet nice .. mature ... guy who wont hurt me that i have seen in a long time. and i need that.But .. the whole crush really ? I dont even know .. .im soo lost and confused and i should just stop talking btu its hard ..i give up! .. what ever you want from me just take it and run because im sooo done with all this bull fucken shit!!!
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