I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.-Benjamin Button

Time heals all wounds

To me; fearless is not the absence of fear. its not being completely unafraid. to me; fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. lots of them. to me; fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. fearless is falling madly in love again; even though you’ve been hurt before. fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. fearless is getting back up & fighting for what you want over and over again; even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. its fearless to have faith that someday things will change. fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. i think its fearless to fall for your best friend, even though hes in love with someone else. & when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, i think its fearless to stop believing them. its fearless to say “you’re not sorry”, and walk away. i think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. i think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. letting go is fearless. then, moving on and being alright; thats fearless too. but no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. you have to believe in love stories & prince charmings & happily ever after. thats why i write these songs. because i think love is fearless.~Taylor swift

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

And even though nobody's looking She's falling apart

So ... skating .. school .. hair .... home.. sweet 16 ... then off to boston. I honestly can;t wait i need to get away from my family sooo badly! my step dad is getting worse and worse and my mom .. well i just nod and smile at this point. I don't know what to do with my best friend.. In school .. because we havent talked in welll .. this whole week .... maybe a few words in passing but nothing epic. And today she was crying and I wanted to help her but i couldnt.. I cant look at her because shes throwing away our friendship .. is it worth it? I don't know ask her .. she seeems PRETTY fucken decisive. Well Yeah its all greatt ... anyways so I can't wait to go to boston I leave early tomorrow morning and then its no more sarah ... no more school .. no more mom and no more step dad and skating for FOUR days .. and this maybe be the best four days of my lifee. This book skinny ... it sucks ... and i told my best friend that I have trouble eating u know what she says "its the book" no its not i have had a problem since fucken last year way to care about me hahaaa i guess thats its though people just stop caring after a certain point .. they care so much ... they forget what it means to care .. how to hug someone and love them and ask them if thier ok... and when they act wierd u dont turn away and pretend u don't notice ... u look at them straight in the eyes and say .... you're not ok .. so talk to me ... but people don't have time to care anymore its all about time .. no time for labels ... hw ... grades .. no time for school .. fuck it theres not time to even breath anymore .. whats that about? huh ? its like all i want to do is breath ... asthma attackes .. and failing friendships .. shit .. where did my heart even go ? hahaa guess its gone ... welll I'll catch my breath eventually and friends come and go ... disorders can be fixed .. cutting can go away ... the thoughts maybe not .. but things heal with time .. where ever time may even be .. ill just hold on tight till then ... and never let go.
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