I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.-Benjamin Button

Time heals all wounds

To me; fearless is not the absence of fear. its not being completely unafraid. to me; fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. lots of them. to me; fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. fearless is falling madly in love again; even though you’ve been hurt before. fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. fearless is getting back up & fighting for what you want over and over again; even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. its fearless to have faith that someday things will change. fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. i think its fearless to fall for your best friend, even though hes in love with someone else. & when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, i think its fearless to stop believing them. its fearless to say “you’re not sorry”, and walk away. i think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. i think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. letting go is fearless. then, moving on and being alright; thats fearless too. but no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. you have to believe in love stories & prince charmings & happily ever after. thats why i write these songs. because i think love is fearless.~Taylor swift

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

What do you do from here?

Have you ever swore you would never do something, but you fell into the trap anyways against you values? Ever want to go back and fix it? Nah, Because to go back would be to change the person I am... But would the world be better that way. Would everyone be happier if I went back and changed who I am? Hahaa I can name quite a few people who think I haven't changed, Best friends or shall I say ex best friends. The people in life who are there until you need them the most. The ones who want you to be happy, but if it gets in the way of their happiness by the slightest bit, then they don't care about you. Yeah, everyone knows those people .. they sit next to you in class, live with you, pass you in the hallway.

Have you ever been in so much pain and so hurt you became numb? As if invincible? Like nothing will hurt you any more? Ever cried so hard that after awhile you cant form tears, but somehow under the rules or human life you still manage to cry? Have you ever wanted to jump off a bridge, give up, but not die, oh no; NOT die.

Have you ever been so hungry you just don't feel hunger anymore? Ever think that if you stop eating long enough, the skinnier you get maybe one day you'll just disappear And the world stops and the tips of your feet? Have you ever wanted to never touch food again, yet where starving for a piece of something? Eating too much wanting to take your finger and _ okii lets stop there for a second, I'm not crazy, not insane.

Sexual harrassment, Control issues, Cutting, Eating disorders, Trust issues, test anxiety, falling for the wrong people, Bipolar mom, drunk step dad, emotional sister. No family, dad died at age four. Short, too muscular, bad skin, big nose. Says things that shouldnt be said. Lost yet She knows EXACTLY who SHE is.

yup thats me, so average? maybe not. Been in love yes, knows how it feels to get hurt yes.. but the future no one can tell. I said I wouldnt do soo many things, but damn things change, I changed.

And maybe we could go back and think about the past and how our lives would change if we did something else, but then what ? would i have falling in love, would i have gotten a car, or met my best friends?

The past doesn't define us, but rather who we are now.
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