Today is a good day. I just got to school where I have first, second, third, and 5th period off, as well as leaving sixth for a doctors appointment. Can you say "easiest day ever!"? yeah. Any ways I had no school yesterday because it was veterans day, but I went to the rink for synchro practice all day! I skated a total of 3 hours straight ... which is a lot for me right now. Anyways, so I'm going to the doctors at 12:15 because I have been having problems. I get headaches almost everyday, cramps randomly, I'm starving all the time, bloating alot, and my periods are completely messed up. So I am going to the doctor today to see what they can do.
Next we should talk about having a boyfriend. It's not like I need one, because lets face it, no one needs one. I just want to be held, to know someone cares about me, to know I will be missed, to be hugged. God I could use a nice hug from a guy right now. I don't know many guys though, so trying to get a boyfriend is really hard to do for me. Bobby is trying to find me someone, bobby's my ex boyfriend. He and my best friend lizz are going out. I gave them permission, but every time I see them together its just a fabulous reminder of how much I fail at being a girlfriend. How Lizz, my best friend, Is better than I am. And she is, that's not a lie. Shes beautiful, smart, not too fat, but also not stick skinny, shes straight forward, wise and funny, not shy, and supportive. Oh my god! shes the perfect person! .. well perfect best friend and perfect girlfriend anyways. She's kind of every thing I aspire to be. I wish I was smart like her, but the only thing I have going for me is my wisdom and my high IQ. I just wish I could be like her one day. Not shy, and have an amazing family. Damn what I would do to be adopted by her family. They aren't perfect, but they come pretty damn close. Their amazing and make me want to have a family.
Speaking of family, my sister has completely cut me and everyone in my family off. She deleted me on facebook .. FACE BOOK ... well .. I always wanted that close bond with my sister, but why would that happen ? Anyways, Looks like me and Bro, aka Jeremy, are the only good and successful children. Speaking of which, gregg just had his son! So I am officially an Aunt. I want to e-mail gregg so badly because we was always there for me when I was sick as a little girl. We used to be closer than jeremy and I. Jeremy and I are alright, but we arent close close. I wish we were though, really badly because I want a sibling.
I am going to sum this up with a little regression:
Johns acting wierd and I am at the point where does he really care about me? cause I have never seen him treat anyone the way he treats me, its wrong on so many levels. I don't know why he treats me differently, but either way, I don't think he realizes how much it hurts me to see the change in how he acts. Is it because I flirt with him? Or the fact he started to actually fall for me? and for that matter, is he scared of getting close to me? and if so, Why?
Should I continue to try to change the way he acts? Whats the point, if he is scared to get close to me and hurts me ... should I let him go as a best friend? Forget about the emotions or relationships, I'm just talking about him as a best friend. How can he treat Lizz a million times better than he treats me, even though I have probably talked about more intimate and private things with him. Does any of this make sense? There's so much I can say on this one topic, but I think all I really want to know is, when will he treat me like he used to, and if not now, if never, then when should i let go? I love him , hes my best friend, but could he really be doing more damage than good?
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